Month: May 2018
to a falling soldier
So it is as if awoken from a sleep so profound, that the order of the day for many, many good long moments, glorious light filled moments, you ask yourself:, “Who am i?”
from this slumber you awaken, yet no milk white crib awaits. Rather than that powderpuff of comfort, you are thrust like the coldest washbowl of morning shock into full wakefulness. Down a flaming hallway you run, doors erupting into chaotic heat. You become aware of another, dressed like you as you drag each other ahead of a fear so great…your blood recoils from your heart. You will burst from fear.
“Marshaling my deepest reserves, i begged God to fortify me. In time i began to think a little, and look around me. I was in a battle between two uniformed armies. Another solider and I were advancing towards an alley. Well, we were retreating towards the alley, but it seemed to me we might be a bit ahead of the skirmish, veering across its right flank, out of the kill line. It did not seem that we were attracting any deliberate fire. The odd round might hit us, it would be the stuff of battlefield legend. Without pause, i marked the moment of wonder at why i even knew this.
Looking at my companion closely for the first time, what i saw closed the deal. I mean there were a dozen other factors that flitted through my head, if truth be told. Watching them fly by, i knew i was preaching to the choir. Before anything else, before any other consideration other than living long enough to decide, was an answer that had to be questioned.
With this realization came action. I spun an arm around my young brother, and hard right turned him into a long alley. In the military there are several levels of physical contact, none of which imply hostile force. I felt well within the low middle of the band as I bro-armed my young friend into the dark. “hey tell me if we are the good guys”, i told him. I followed his eyes as he glanced back to our rear, and flanks. “Our guys are just in the next block”, I told him. Those other guys peeled off to the left.” At this his eyes swept my sleeve, and i knew he was deciding how full of shit i was likely to be. Whatever he saw must have impressed him, because I felt him soften like a 1 degree heatwave in an arctic blizzard.
“Seriously, tell me everything you know about the other guys in this fight.”
Many a battle vet will tell you there is a place where God speaks loudly to men in battle. Loudly, crashing thunder in their heart. To forge new paths, dead weight must fall, and fall is more than appropriate, of course fall, but where is always important. In this case into a hole in the ground, is where these souls find themselves. At some point, men welcome the moment to drop the load of culture’s burden so to speak. In the earth, waiting to be killed, waiting to kill, men’s musing’s to each other as they share their last night on earth, and that earth, at once the big earth, and the musk in their noses, this too is the earth. The earth accepts it all.
So men go, as they go and have gone millions upon countless millions of times, one way or the other, frequently both, they all go into a hole. They go into the earth and whisper their secrets to the earth and each other, and the earth whispers the secrets of sand and sphere in return.
Before, their thoughts are many, like the sand. Later, in the same way that all earth is one, and sphere, so are men one. Some see only partly, and understand: “our men are won, and other men are..less.
For still others, whose hearts’ mysteries are not solved by algebra, tho they march through a thousand cities, a new sovereign rides, and its’ name is love. For these many, all men have become one. This, is the true spoils of war. Or Maybe it’s that “the truth spoils war.” I can never keep that part straight…
it is a disgusting thing to, think, a most disgusting thing to witness, the vilest thing to say, but say it i must: “The deep state”, using the democrats, using the republicans, using the media, and finally the people themselves, are waging a war on the duly elected President of the Untied States, waging this war in the hopes that he is assassinated. We must resist.
Mother earth is never so happy as when she exists as the thrill in the heart of her creatures.
mother earth is never so happy as when she exists as the thrill in the heart of her creatures.
things i learned as the heart of my mother…
At a very early age, i realized that my mother had an almost mystical ability to discern the most closely held truths from everything and anything done to conceal it. She said a little bird whispered into her ear. Once watching closely for days i discovered and reported that there was in fact NO bird, not even one, during an episode regarding a firecracker and a cricket.
Conspiratorially pulling me close, the sweet bell of her voice never failed to awaken my heart. “I wasn’t going to tell you”, she said, “not until you were older.” I became giddy with anticipation. She had started complemented me occasionally, in private, over small things. Little nothings, just a comment if i was kind, or careful. Rather than forcing me to be any certain thing, usually her way was to simply tell me what she admired, and let it go at that.
Far from feeling any pressure, it helped me understand both myself and those with whom i shared my youth. One of the things she told me is that when i applied myself, i could be very mature. Surely she was going to share a great adult mystery with me.
Very close to my ear she whispered, “God tells mothers things so they can do their job. God whispers in your ears, but you must firstly want to hear it. Then of course you must want to do the right thing, and if you do the first thing, you will always be able to do the rest of it.” “Mothers”, she said, “is one of the ways GOD is everywhere at the same time.”
“I am listening, god, unless i forget for a bit.”