for immediate release:
Cambridge university ( under martial law ), announced the creation of a mammalian transfer device, which will deliver living persons to a parallel universe and will be available FREE at all hours to any Democrats, new world order elitists, and anti-conservatives who wish to travel to the final frontier, and:
“GO FUCK THEMSELVES”
The announcement was declared a microaggression by the 9th circuit appeals court in Hawaii whereupon ordered DESTROYED by the EU police under direct command of the leaders of a ballot verified by all nations to document the 92% popular vote of the entire planets nations, as well as the gov’ts of virtually all the nations discovered.
The one holdout was Donald Trump, who just had to one up the deal adding a requirement to stayed the decision, delaying implementation of the technologies destruction for two weeks, until in all worlds connected, ( theoretically an infinite number ), no liberal population at all all would remain, secretly ordering all the resulting receiving terminals were disabled. The United Nations, EU and ALL gov’ts as well as the popular vote overrided the original proposal to a final tally of 99.9% with a 5% margin of error.
In a statement from the Stanford computer department:
“Likely a tally of just Maga self identified participants, who have been vouched for by 2 or more Trump supporters, would show, ( although the study could never be funded ), seemingly it is the software itself , never coded to anticipate such coherent intention, essentially just added the margin as otherwise there would be no output.”
Aside from this minor sliver of doubt, the orders were carried out one week ago, and the positive effects are already being reported as a 90% reduction in crime, and the discovery of a vast hidden supply of oil, money, and wealth of all types which had been taken immorally from the peoples of every nation. Redistribution has began immediately, and independent peoples and neo-national observers report that bias, anger, virtue signaling, and the replacement of racial awareness with the totem of membership in the group called: “human being” have all begun to take place.
There is general astonishment in some quarters, with various groups declaring it to be the Rapture, or fulfillment of other prophecy, while large amounts of the older studied respondents declaring, “Nonsense, Anywhere, absent liberalism, slavery, women’s liberation 2.0 , unbridled capitalism, socialism and other forms of organised exploitation, the world has always been experienced in a near paradisaical state. “
the statement went on, to read:
it’s better than shooting them like in ancient popular uprisings when people did not have access to technology. The nationals of the earth have immediately created and joined a mutual sharing treaty which stands likely to be a landmark human pivot point, allowing for a huge reduction in untreated illness, human predation of all kinds, and the restoration of relatively near reciprocal human kindness and respect for all peoples.”
there is some discussion regarding making the event a mandatory world participation day of celebration, but no such addition has yet been produced. Since that idea first appeared virtually the entire world population demanded the Trump proposal be modified by a one line change: ALL receiving terminals be destroyed.
A beaming Trump stated: “8d chess at 528 million miles an hour folks, it’s a complicated business. Smiling, he and family departed for an unknown location.”
In other news…